I started seeing a therapist a week ago. I was seeing one back when my husband first went into custody, but I didn’t feel like I was getting anything out of it. So I started seeing this new therapist last week. There are not enough therapist’s in the world. The good ones are booked. So if you’re looking for a job with some job security-this one might be it. Because people will always have problems.

I want to preface this by saying that my sister and I are very close. I was the Maid of Honor in her wedding, and she in mine. I would consider her one of my closest friends. I love her a lot. The strain that this situation has put on our relationship has been devastating and continuously breaks my heart. She was the only person I called (besides the bailbondsman) the night my husband was arrested and she came and sat with me for hours. Sharing more about the situation with me than what I even knew about it. She watched my 2 month old baby while I packed a bag for the both of us not knowing what this would entail, but wanting to be prepared for anything. She has consistently been a person in my life that shows up for me and I for her. The relationship we have had has been something I have treasured and cherished.

I had a really tough interaction with my sister a couple of weeks ago. She happens to be involved in this situation to a degree. But a very close and awkward degree. This interaction shook me to my core and rocked my world. I had been going along, thinking I was this strong fortress. I had the mindset of a conqueror for sure. Then she leaned into my weak point and I buckled at the knees. Which was really like the straw that broke the camel’s back in my journey to therapy. I had been wanting to see a therapist-specifically this one- and I was looking, but not aggressively. This happened and I decided that if there wasn’t room for me in her schedule, I would start calling her once a month to check for availability. Luckily, a friend of mine sees her and pulled some strings and got me in.

So I spent the first session giving her the backstory. It was a lot to say in a one hour session. It was my build up for this weeks session. I told her all about my encounter with my sister and what happened.

Here’s what she told me, and I cannot stop thinking about it, it really gave me this moment of relief.

She said; Imagine your life is a board game and the players are all of the people in your life. Now wipe it clean. Knock all of those players off. In the center is you, your husband, and your son. Now you get to go through each player one by one and decide who stays on your board. But the players must meet this criteria;

1. Emotionally safe
2. No judgement
3. Support all of me (including my husband)
4. Have my back/stick up for me
5. People I can trust.
   I feel like the visualization of knocking all of the players off of my board and starting with my very core players was like the feeling of deep cleaning your home and getting rid of every item that doesn’t spark joy. My mind instantly felt free of the burden of these people that I have to guard myself around.

So she told me my homework for the week is to draw out my board, with myself, my husband, and my son in the center (because those are the people that I chose to stick in the center with me) and one by one add the close people in my life to the board if they meet my criteria.

The people that don’t fit the criteria don’t need to be in my life.
What is freeing about that is when I think of all of the people that fit one or two of those things and I felt the need to keep them around. Or they felt the need to stick around. I no longer feel burdened by that relationship, because I have a clear set of regulations as to who can stay and who cannot.

This journey is hard, there are so many aspects that are just not black and white. Any sense of clarity helps.

When I first started recreating my board and the players on it, my board was pretty empty. Day by day, that board gets more and more players on it. Here’s the magic of it, they are only people that meet my criteria. I have become lighter and more free because of the people that I am creating space for in my life. Imagine what your life would look like if you only surrounded yourself with the people that meet that criteria for you!?

It’s scary to do. It’s scary to knock of every player and truly analyze if they have a place on your board. It’s lonely.

Here’s the magic, It grows! You notice the board filling up with life changing people that want to support you. They want to be there for all of it. Once you shift your mind set-they just start showing up. They will, they do, and your new board will be better than anything you could have imagined.

What would your life look like if you only had the best people surrounding you? How much more could you accomplish and grow?

What would it take for you to start over?

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