Let me start off by saying YOU CAN DO THIS!

You’ve got this!

You have conquered every day before this, you will conquer this one too.

You were not put on this path to fail. You were not put on this path to suffer through it. You can thrive, you can grow, and you can ENJOY it.

So here we are, Thanksgiving Day. How in the world do we handle it?

I’ll tell you how I am handling it and I would love your input on what you are doing to not just “get through it”, but to enjoy it.

1. BE GRATEFUL! It’s Thanksgiving! Embrace that! Give thanks, to everything and everyone. Say it outloud, whisper it, say it in your head, just do it! You feel much happier if you focus on the things you are grateful for than if you focus on the things you are upset about.
2. Check your expectations. Maybe even make a list of what they are if you need to. Are they realistic? If nobody comes through, can you still meet your expectations? If the answer is no, you may want to work on what you’re expecting.
3. Enjoy the process. Enjoy each opportunity to learn something new. Every hard thing is an opportunity to become more than what you are. I made a turkey today. My first one ever. My son stirred salt in a salt bowl and played with the garlic as I chopped the herbs and the other things I would put in my turkey dressing. It took me almost an hour and a half to prep the turkey for the oven. I don’t know if that’s normal, but it seemed like a long time to me. Here’s the thing though, I didn’t care. I didn’t get upset that it took me a long time or that my son was slowing the process by “helping” me. I had no rush because I was on nobody’s schedule but my own. So I took my time. I told my son about all the gratitude I have for the Turkey that lived and died so I could have a nice thanksgiving, and share this time with my family.
4. Be cautious of who you surround yourself with. It’s Covid, so that’s an easy pass to tell people no that you don’t care to be around. I will be eating dinner with my mom, my son, my mother-in-law and my father-in-law. I feel happy about that decision. I feel comfortable around them and they fit into my “board game” (see post titled “Boundary Lessons From My Therapist”). If you don’t have someone to spend today with, invest that time in yourself. Love yourself. Do something you can be grateful for. I love to hike. If I didn’t have someone or something for the day, I would plan a day trip hike.
5. There is no “right way” to celebrate any holiday. Decide what traditions you have always done out of obligation and what traditions you actual enjoy. Do the ones you enjoy, don’t do the ones you don’t care for. There’s no punishment for hating turkey and making yourself a steak today (or if you’re vegetarian, a nice veggie burger). Screw the rules. Eat cereal for dinner if you want. The point is, whatever you do, ENJOY IT! Do it with intention.
6. Don’t spend your day longing for something else. The best way to ruin a day is to wish it went some other way. Of course I would love to have my husband here! Of course this day would go differently if he were here to enjoy it with us. But he isn’t. I will not let me day be ruined by wishing for a scenario that doesn’t exist. The less present you are in the moment, the less you will enjoy the moment. Get out of your head. Make the most of the day.
7. If you need to break down, do it. Holding all of that in will not serve you. Plan your day around that. Be in a safe place where you can break down whenever you need to. Surround yourself only with people that you are safe to break down in front of.

Last year was my first Thanksgiving without my husband. He was still in county waiting for his sentencing and he had only been gone a couple of weeks. I was living at my dad’s (who was out of town) and my sister came to stay with me. Because she is an angel. My sister doesn’t like to celebrate holidays, however, she does like to eat. So Monday, she cooked a turkey. She was so excited. The next day she made mashed potatoes, the next day another item and the next day another. Listen. We celebrated Thanksgiving for an entire week. One item at a time. Then on the Friday, after Thanksgiving, we combined all of our leftovers and ate our second “Thanksgiving meal”. It was my sister, my son, and I. We ate what we wanted to and we watched those creepy forensic shows. It was an incredible Thanksgiving, because we only catered to the traditions we actually enjoyed. No awkward family gatherings that we didn’t want. No obligatory small talk. No dissatisfaction.

You are capable. This is up to you to make your holiday’s special. You can do it.

When my husband first went into custody, I thought I was able to feel his pain more if I just didn’t leave the house for days. That’s garbage. You don’t need to suffer more than you already are. If you are supporting your incarcerated loved one, you are facing a sentence as well. The good news is that your sentence isn’t as confined as your loved one’s is. Satan would love for you to believe that you have to suffer because that’s what your loved one is doing. Don’t do that to yourself. This is a time for you to grow into something extraordinary.

In the United States, the culture is to celebrate this day. Hiding from it won’t make it disappear. Embrace it. Embrace it in a different way if you need to. If you don’t like hikes, and you don’t like cooking for yourself, find a restaurant that is open and order something you love, spend hours there just being with yourself.

Figure out what you love to do. Make it happen.

Your happiness is your responsibility. Nobody else’s.

Tell me how you spent your Thanksgiving! Tell me what you loved doing or what you want to do next year!? Tell me what you DIDN’T do that you’re happy you skipped. I want to hear from you!