I’ve debated writing this blog for a little while now. I keep circling back around to it. One day, I want to write a book, one day, I want to be a life coach, but right now, I feel impressed to start a blog. Those other goals are great, and I hope that I will feel just as much power in them when the time is right as I do about writing this blog. Here’s the thing about the time being right-sometimes things line up for it to all work out, sometimes, you have to line things up for them to work out. For me, and for this blog, things are all lining up for it to happen. So I’m doing it.

Okay, enough about that. Let me share my vision with you. Because writing out my “why” gave me such a kick in the pants that I decided to stop writing my “why” and write another blog post.

My “why” is my vision. I’m so excited about it and I hope you’re excited for it too.

–I felt alone when I was awaiting that dreaded day when my husband would go into custody. I isolated myself and couldn’t find any community that understood. I couldn’t handle social media, so I stopped using it, I couldn’t handle seeing familiar faces, so I tried not to leave the house. I was ashamed and didn’t think this was anything I could share with anyone. I have since joined multiple single moms groups and natural mom groups (I’m a hippie, take it or leave it, I’m still cool). But that wasn’t my community. Yes-I am a single mother, but not by choice. I wanted to find a widow group, but that didn’t feel right. I’m not a widow-although I have felt like that is the title I relate to most. I keep my life to myself because I don’t want to explain where my husband is or how he’s doing. Because he’s in prison, and he’s not doing great. It’s not a conversation every person I know needs to be a part of.

–There are not enough resources! Seriously, I searched and I searched and I found so many stories-but none like mine. Yours doesn’t have to be like mine for you to fit in here. But maybe you’ll find comfort in knowing that ours is a little more similar than others. Or if you’re just here because the events in my life make for an entertaining read-that’s fine too. Just don’t bring your negativity and you are welcome.

–I feel like this entire thing has been like breaking trail alone. Let’s break trail together. I live in Washington. The part of Washington I live in typically has 1 decent snow a year. That’s it. When I was 8 months pregnant with my son (Feb 2019) we had this bizarre snow storm. Leaving 2 feet of snow in our front yard. For my husband and I, it was such a treat. We had some friends in town and were hankering for an adventure. So we rented some snow shoes-drove to the mountains and went snow shoeing. We were walking through about 2 feet of fresh snow through the forest (we could have just stayed home and done this, but driving to the mountains felt like the more exciting option). There were 5 of us. So we formed a line and the person in the front had the hardest job-they broke the trail. They were trudging through snow that had never been touched. So they would go as far as they could and then their legs would get tired and they would get back in the line of us and the next person would take a turn being in front. Best part about being 8 months pregnant was I never had to break trail and I got to stay in the back the entire time. So by the time I was walking in the trail, 4 people in front of me had already packed it down that much. There were some moments when the wind would blow and all of the snow on the branches of the trees would fall around us, making it hard to see in front of us and impossible to move forward. So We would stop, cover our heads, and wait for the wind to stop blowing the snow so we could keep moving. That’s what this “adventure” has been like for me. Breaking trail. Sometimes I have people breaking trail with me. The people that have sat with me as I cried, or given my son and I a temporary home, or even just the people that can remind me how much they love my husband and miss him. But sometimes-I’m that pregnant lady in the back that needs everyone a little more and it just wouldn’t be right for me to be in the front breaking the trail. Other times, I feel like I’m breaking trail by myself. I don’t want that, and I don’t want that for anyone. I want to start this blog because I want this to be the start of a community that breaks trail together. Then, sometimes, there’s that pregnant lady, and we all just do our part so she can tag along behind, and still be a part of the group. Because we love her, and we want her here, and she’s important.

–Unity. I’ve tried to fight the system. It left me exhausted and in the end-defeated. I’ve tried to petition for something better, I was rejected. I’ve tried defending my husband, I was ignored. I want a place and a community where we all are trying, and possibly failing together. We support each other in our wins and we lift each other up in our losses. Because most people just don’t get it, and we could all use the support. A thread alone is easily broken. Hundreds of threads woven together creates a rope that won’t break easily. -Let’s change the game for each other. Let’s not do it alone. Let’s watch each other succeed or be an example of success so we can all see it’s possible to be okay in a hopeless situation.

I joined a single mom’s group-I attribute a lot of my courage in creating this community that I’ve been desperately searching for to that group. Amoya Shante is this woman who became a single mom and decided to defy all the limits that look like belong to a single mom. Because our potential is limitless. But it doesn’t always look that way, and it certainly doesn’t always feel that way. I joined the community she created of empowered woman and from that I gained so much hope and courage. I don’t have to suffer through this. I can thrive through this. I don’t share my stories with those woman, but I hear theirs and I’m encouraged and empowered through their example of breaking past all the limits. That’s what I want to create here. A community that breaks past the limits.

I quit facebook a year ago, but I created a brand new account so I could host a group for single mom prison wives. You can find it here https://www.facebook.com/groups/833198440843814

I then decided to pivot (you can read my post about that) and realized that I’m not just looking for women with incarcerated husbands, I’m looking for women that are trying to break past the negative feelings of grief. We can create a community of empowered women that are working through grief together! A sacred space of friendship, courage, empowerment, openness, honesty, and love. That facebook group is called “Good Grief!”
you can find it here

https://www.facebook.com/groups/396957635089523

If you are reading this, please write me an email or post a comment to let me know what it would mean to you to have a community of empowered, joyful, courageous women helping you, supporting you, and traveling with you through your grief process.

If you know anyone that you think could benefit from this, please share this with them.